Saturday, December 6, 2014

Surprise Saturday! - December 6th

Hey dolls!

So even though it's Saturday and not my usual blogging day I figured I'd surprise everyone with a random post! Because it's a rainy and blah day and I feel like a waste of space just not doing anything anddd it's my blog and I can do what I want to. Ha. 

A few days ago I came across this image on the weheartit iPhone app (which if you don't have it I suggest you get it [click on the word weheartit if you're reading on iPhone] cause it kills a lot of boredom.) And felt really inspired to speak (or write rather...) on it.

This little blurb really struck me because, well, it is me. This is exactly how I feel at this point in my life. I feel like I've been burned by people so many times (as well as the other way around) that it's almost not worth it for me to invest my feelings in someone else. 

I have always, always, always been hesitant in getting my feelings involved in other people - I'm just the type of person that believes people are inherently bad, or out for themselves. I don't know why really, maybe because I experienced tragedy so early on in my life (losing my dad around age 3) that I just feel like it doesn't matter, bad things will happen no matter what, if that even makes sense. I kind of feel like I'm just rambling here, but there has to be at least one person out there who understands this feeling.

I've really only been in two "real" relationships in my life, the first one was a complete and utter disaster, I don't know that it classifies as a real relationship - but it certainly taught me a lot about different people and how to handle emotions and I will forever be grateful for the lessons that it taught me. My other relationship was actually pretty beautiful for the most part, but sometimes no matter how hard you try or how hard you wish you would be right for each other, at the end of the day you just aren't. Which is just so heartbreaking to me that most of the time I can't imagine getting myself into the situation again. It's terrifying to me that you can invest so much into a certain person or situation only for it to not work out - because truthfully you never know what's going to happen down the road and how it's going to change you. 

Lately I am trying to get myself to be more open-minded and believe that not everyone is lying to me or talking to me to get something out of me. I'm sure my reluctance to get involved with anyone is really a reflection of how I feel about myself, in that sometimes I just don't think I'm that great - I wish I was more ambitious, smarter, more outgoing - but I'm working on myself, and thus I should allow people to just like me, without questioning motives. 

It's definitely a really hard concept for me to open up about feelings, most of the time I just ignore them so much that to me they just "go away." I'm certainly aware this isn't really a healthy way to be, but it's just easier for me. However, like the picture says - you really are hurt either way. You're either hurt by loneliness or hurt by someone else. So you might as well allow someone in for whatever amount of time is meant to be - I mean some happiness is better than none, right? 

I'm actually pretty apprehensive about posting this publicly - but this is lifestyle blog and I started this as my creative outlet so I'm going to use it as such. 

I would love to hear some feedback on this post - I'm super nervous about publishing something so personal, but if at least one person comes across this and can identify with something I've written, then I'm glad.

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend and doing fun things! 

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